God's most complex ...

I hold in my hands a human baby, God's most advanced technology
I'm amazed.
This "thingy",
who's communicatingwith an onslaught on my eardrum, & by making cute kitten faces,
who recognizes me by the smell of milk ...
Is, within 1 yr, going to understand words, & use words!!!

She's so small, I've not yet had the courage to fully hug her!
She's running me exhausted! She just wants "feed, feed, feed!"
Everyone always asks me, Elders, Doctors,
am I able to feed her sufficiently?
Well! touchwood, as of now!
She feeds like a Tasmanian Devil.
Her pediatrician says, "Feed her as much as she wants feeding"
(Sigh!) That really means 24 hrs (WITH breaks)!

My Mom said "She's gone bribed the pediatrician" !!!

Burping is another thing.
After a feed, you're supposed to burp a baby.
That is done by putting the baby on your shoulder, facing backwards, & rubbing or patting his/her back.
Well!
Try that with this "baby"
She can't hold head, so her head has to be held. 1 hand engaged.
I can either hold her bottom, or pat her.
So I hold her a little higher, her hands over my shoulder.
That's it.
What rub, what pat?
She balances herself on my shoulder, raises hands in the front of her, legs backwards,
& assumes "Superman" pose, just ready to fly away!

So much for God's most complex creation!

Rhymes my Mom used to tell

Bangla language has numerous nursery rhymes, these are called chhoda

 These are of unknown origin, & generations old.
As of now, there are several compilations, & many renditions available commercially.
Predictably, all these are geared towards the "Khoka", equivalent of "munna" or "Babu", male child.
My parents & grans substituted it with "Khuku" whean they read or sung those to me.

These are a few that I've heard from my Mom, but not elsewhere ...

Shona gaychhe konkhaane?	Where's "Shona" gone?
Shaal-Piyaal-er maajhbone	Amid the woods of Saal & Piyaal trees
Shekhane Shona ki kore?	What does Shona do there?
Phool paade aar khela kore	(S)he gathers flowers & plays

Bula Bula daak paadi	"Bula, Bula", I call out!
Bula gaychhe kaar baadi?	Whose place has Bula gone to?
Ay re Bula baadi aay	Come Bula, Come home!
Doodh maakhaa bhaat bedaale khay	Cat is eating your Milk-rice!

Taapur Toopur brishti pode	Rain falls Pitter-patter
Maathaay kholaa chhata	Umbrella o'erhead …
Haansh-babaji khoshmejaaje	Mr Ducky, I a sunny mood
Jaachchhe Kolikaata	is going to Kolikaataa
Hijoltalaa pichhol bejaay!	Hijoltalaa is super slippery,
Pichhle pode thang bhenge jaay!	U slip, U fall, & break a leg :(
Tai na dekhe Changda Baynga	& thus observing, Rowdy frog
Bolle maathaa jhenke	shakes his head!
"Haansh-babaji thang-ti shaarao	"Mr Ducky! Now, go to a hospital
Haashpaataale theke!"	& Repair Ur leg!"

(I & my sister felt plenty bad for Mr Ducky! Hope they took good care of him at the hospital!!)

(Milkstained) Fluffball in my blanket

Once in our hostel in Delhi, a certain girl's bedding caught fire from her room heater. Since I too used a blower, & kept it close to the bed, that winter, I developed a easily disturbed, flaky sleep. I won't dream of fire, but I'd be half awake  several times, the blower always at the corner of my mind ...
That's how you sleep when you have a baby, "Did she just make a sound?"
Changes in sleep cycle are difficult. Irritability happens. To all who start on shift duty, & to new parents. I personally have a lot of support at home, & am encouraged to sleep when the baby sleeps.
That helps. One more thing helps.

You wake up hearing low but sharp distress sounds, You rub your eyes vigourously, because they seem to be glued closed.
When you ultimately switch the lights on, you see a tiny speck making a baby face at you ... yes, babies make that baby face .
Your own baby is more cute than any baby, human or animal that you have seen, & when those huge eyes get rounded, flat nose get crinkled, little mouth assumes an expression so innocent & ignorant, "I don't know nooothing! Is this milk time?"
It helps
:)

Life as a cliche'

How does it feel to be a mother?

Well! Big question! Very philosophical! Motherhood is a very heavy word. Has the air of sacrifice above all else.
For all the world, I certainly do not feel sacrificial!


For the time being I'll leave the experience of "motherhood", & rather tell you my experience of the phenomenon "baby"
Next few posts are about this phenomenon.


Baby feels good
:)
Yes, "good" with a smiley!
I feel all buttery elated when I watch her.
When she's swaddled (bundled up), lying between my body & my hand, I feel her movements that I used to feel inside my tummy.
I feel relief that I had a live healthy baby.
I feel a (yet) undescribable feeling that this is mine.
I feel that this is a source of happiness right next to me, something I can only describe as a Bundle of life.

Does reluctance reflect deep guilt?

The First Administrative Reforms Commission was formed in 1966, chaired by Morarji Desai. The Commission submitted 20 reports into the Mid- 1970s, finally tabling  a report indicating implementation position in Nov 1977 before the parliament, the year of the fall of Indira Gandhi.

The recommendations of the Commission were inclined to rely on the Govt offices, to appoint those, who will be to look into the gross irregularities of these office.

e.g., "These authorities should be independent of the executive as well as the legislature and the judiciary. The Lok Pal should be appointed by the President on the advice of the Prime Minister. The PM shall consult the Chief Justice of India and the Leader of the Opposition. The Lok Pal shall have the same stature as the Chief Justice of India and can be removed only by impeachment. The Lokayuktas shall have similar powers as the Lok Pal and shall be equivalent to the Chief Justice of a High Court. Their appointment should, as far as possible, be non-political."

The committee might have considered the President, the PM, the leader of the opposition to be above such pettiness that might result in a skewed appointment, but by today's standards, neither is this suggestion a description of " non-political" , nor "independent of the executive as well as the legislature and the judiciary ". Case in point - P. J. Thomas, appointed as Chief Vigilance Commissioner, with no less than a criminal case pending, has reduced India's official corruption-fighting efforts nothing but a PJ - a Pathetic Joke, in the international community.

UPA Govt is in dire straits as corruption charges pile up like never before ... It's not new, but public sentiment is at the end of its tether. Can an organization be questioned for actions of decades ago? Are the same individuals who constituted the Government then, still in position? 

However, there still are innumerable questions which are as recent as the date, & the present Govt is yet full of individuals who are by no means in the clear. Even more dissappointing it is when the Premier of a country throws in the towel & cites powerlessness in face of a coalition. This is the same premier, of whom we were proud, at least tried to be proud, what an accomplished economist, applauded academician he is, remember an e-mail forward saying "Who does this Resume' belong to" ... celebrating the most learned Prime Minister in the world! Alas!

Is a learned leader indeed weak in practical situations? A similarly sophisticated PM Gujral, had spent 10 months leading the United Front ... until Congress withdrew its support again. Arguably, that was the most unstable coalition. Is it a matter of coincidence? Or is it that a cultured individual is too naturally courteous to show some backbone in face of chaos? Or do volatile coalitions consciously choose moppetty leaders? Or are these leaders truly "victims" of  unprincipled democracy?

The real question is, do we want leaders who project themselves as victims, however intellectual they be, however sound their economic strategies, they are tripping over their own "resources" ?

One of the keys of the bunch !

Is "how"
It's said, "know-how" is useless without "know-why"!
True ... the answer to "how" is often through the "why" ... one has to understand the cause-effect relationships, to take control of a process ...
Yet, "how" is a word important to me.

When You ask "How is he?", You generally mean, how "he" is keeping, his health, his finances, his mood.
Occasionally, You might mean what kind of a person is "he", to figure out whether to befriend him, or how to best approach him.
But do you mean how he functions? What makes him tick?
You should.
If You are really concerned about him.
Or You really want to be effective with him.
Then the former two senses of the word are superficial.
It's the last sense that matters.

When You wonder, "How could this happen", are You listening to yourself?
If You are to prevent another of the kind, You must take your own thoughts seriously ... & find out exactly how it happenned!

When You despair "How can I", are You sure that's what You must think? Would You rather not be thinking "How can I NOT?"
... Source unknown quote says "Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true." ... so beware of unwitting wishes too ...

lovable animal

The farmville bull is a magnificent  animal.
One of z better animated parts of Farmville.
He is cool.

Smiles. Calmly. Do live bulls smile?
He's satisfied with his life.
Scratches z ground. Closes his eyes. Puffs. If I had a farm & a farmhouse, I would want an animal just like z Farmville bull.
& z farmville piglet.
 It does not look stupid like z farmville pigs.
It turns it's head & closes it's eyes.
Like it knows how cute it is.
Just gives you a demo ... huge eyes. I want an animal just like z farmville piglet. Of course it will grow up.
& they'll both die.
Humans are so tediously long-living in comparision.
Once I found a baby squirrel. It's parents must have died, eaten by some cat.
It was mousy, & raw pink, its tail was bare & its eyes were shut.
We fed it with an ink dropper.
It lived. It grew. It grew hair.
It's name was Meechu.
It scurried around. I fed it, but din't know how to teach it to climb a tree. & certainly not how to teach it to forage for food.
She grew a bushy tail. She started sporting stripes. She started looking like a real little squirrel. She sat in my hand quietly.
I never heard her call.
I've read about people rearing orphaned baby squirrels & releasing them in z wild.
But there was something that I din't do right.
I do not know what that was.
One day in winter, I woke up & found her dead.
I buried her under z Lemon tree.
The neighbours were playing "Sexy eyes" when I was digging. I remember Meechu when I hear that song.

Single

Proud to be single & unavailable !
A situation can mean so many different things to different people!
Recently I congratulated an old classmate when she (while I was online) changed her facebook status to married.
She replied saying she wasn't,
& had changed the status to ward off unwelcome advances ...
Never knew such was needed! Who knows, maybe successful single (read available) & mature (in THIS case, read bitter) women are so much in demand!
If I really were single, & had disposed of, or shaken off daily-basis responsibilities towards others (non-spouse-non-offspring), God knows what I'd be doing ...
Maybe I'd take an IVO foreign posting (if they gave me) ... perhaps I'd have become a RD personality before I die?
or maybe loan my way into Cambridge, knowing fully well I'll never be able to repay my way back home ...
or maybe I'd have gone back to Hyd, which I love, & watched it turn crowdier & unrulier ... & battled the cliche's & bitterness of "the field" ... (rehabilitation), perhaps I'd have become another of those old spinsters of Disability Rehab in India!!!
or maybe I'd have gone joined 'Rupantar' & lost myself in z roughness of this state ...Chhattisgarh
If suppose I also had a lot of money - none my own, but mine to spend ... well -  that's a completely different imagination altogether ...

The final project

When I die,

I'll wrap up during z night, my entire life, my loves & labours of love, my complaints & pain, my expalnations& apologies in what format & formatting God will want. Hard copy soft copy or heart copy. Don't know what they use in heaven.
Spell-check it, arrange in chapters & subchapters, attach, tabulate & annex, & keep it plain & simple. then it'll be 4 a.m. or equivalent. I'll bind, publish or whatever, package it.
6 a.m. I'll brush my teeth, though I'd not slept through z night. I'll watch z Sunrise. I'll change & comb my hair. I'll go up to God's office. & as soon as they open, I'll submit my life at z submissions desk, & take an obscure seat in their reception, lay my head on z backrest & close my eyes ...




IF I went to heaven,
It'd be a hammock on a secluded beach, & 10 a.m. forever.
I'd be under z open sky, in between z blinding Sun above & z blinding reflection to one side. I'd be so tired that if I close my eyes, I sleep. I'll lie there, in the slumber, z rest never was, drifting between z states of awake & asleep.
When U die, on way to your heaven, do see me once.